as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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