He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
vagina is talking i cant
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize