Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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