i need an iv and a liver transplant
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
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