Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just threw up on my dentist
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
