I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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