fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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