20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
did i walk over a car last night?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
