so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
