I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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