i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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