all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
