fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
