Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
