There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
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