Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
