call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize