eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
