She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize