The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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