I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
my shit smells like andre
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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