I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
