when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I touched a dick in church today
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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