I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
