im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
