i just google imaged poop.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
