Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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