What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
