i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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