I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
