I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
