i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize