What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
