It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
