Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
