That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize