I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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