Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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