I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
