So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
