we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
