i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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