thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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