i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
