nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
