Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize