So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
