WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
