I wish my penis had an off switch
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
