HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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