PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
try to milk me bitch
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