did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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