I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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