Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize