dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
