I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
