i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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