you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
