Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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