Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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