508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
