every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
