i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
