So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he fucked my hip out of place.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
