just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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