It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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