How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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